I’ve been sat on my bed in tears for an hour unsure what to do with myself. My evening was all planned out with the usual geeky activities but I feel too distant from everything to game or watch a film. I usually reserve this blog for dumb crap but I feel like I need to talk right now and as I’m alone then why not talk here. Blogs are meant to be cathartic. My aunt, Hazel, passed away in her house today. She’s been suffering from an incurable lung cancer so it was inevitable but I’d seen her recently at my mum’s wedding and she seemed happy, was eating and almost her normal self. I feel shocked but I think it’s my mother and cousin I’m incredibly sad for. My mum has already lost her brother (to the same cancer) and her parents. My cousin has also lost her father and has no siblings. I can’t imagine how that feels. My sister and parents are still in my life despite being far away.
My cousin is also pregnant and Hazel was due to become a grandmother for the first time in a few weeks. She always seemed to enjoy watching my daughters and constantly joked about when it’d be her time to be a grandma. I wish she’d been able to hold on long enough to have that wish granted.
Although not a very close family I have so many memories of her. Growing up we’d spend every Boxing Day together to swap gifts. She gave me Swingball and I remember looking outside at the dreary winter weather knowing we’d have to wait months to actually use it. It broke not long after we could! She’d knit us these fantastically garish jumpers of Victoria Plum and Winnie the Pooh, or my favourite, a My Little Pony one with the tails made from threads of wool which dangled off. An actual 3D jumper. She made great apple pies and my sister would (half) jokingly threaten not to let her visit unless she brought one with her. She had a laugh that was so loud and sudden it would actually scare my daughters when they were young. We’d all be in fits of giggles trying to get her to be quieter. She could never fathom my not liking roast potatoes, even decades later she was still bemused by it. She made the most fantastic birthday cakes for us with scenes from whatever kids show we were liking at the time. Again a My Little Pony one stands out in my memory. I must have really loved them, about half of the things I’m recalling have a My Little Pony featured somewhere.
She’d gone through a lot in her life but always seemed to soldier on. It makes my moaning about a heatwave or having crappy carpets seem so damn insignificant. It feels surreal that I’ll never see her again. I’ll miss you Hazel, RIP x
